Posts

Upset. It's not supposed to be this way but I'm feeling this way. I screwed up my urban finals very very badly yesterday. I have no idea why, but probably because of expectations... I couldn't even think straight. I wrote nothing down for the first half an hour. It was just like my brain was empty and I can't even squeeze anything out at all. 
I have another day to study for my AE exam on Saturday. And it feels so impossible to even make it no matter how hard I try. It's as if even I don't sleep all the way till Saturday noon, I'm still not going to make it. Then what am I supposed to do when both Urban and AE went so badly?
I guess I kinda overestimated myself. I'm really not as strong as I thought I was. The ability to force out my smiles started to diminish. And I'm starting to lose my facade more quickly than I thought of.
Got an intern call this afternoon and I really do hope it goes well because it's probably the only thing that can keep …

Wed 4.10am

Hi,  forgotten place.

It's 4.10am now and I finally have the time to jot down my feelings. I'm actually quite happy that I finally get to see my therapist tomorrow again.

Losses
Carl and I broke up. It's been a month since it happened, and it wasn't anything like a built-up. Not at least for me. We fight at times, yeah maybe slightly more this year again. But it wasn't anything like the start. But when one party gives up, there's nothing another could do. I tried everything I could do to salvage this relationship and to ask him to stay. But all of it was given up because "we're not meant to be". How fast people change. How fast people can go from "I want to love you for the rest of my life" to "I no longer want this". It hurts. Love hurts. All you're left with is just that huge chunk of memories and broken promises. It was a two and a half year long relationship. How could he give up just like this? But sometimes we do not …

Update

It had been such a long time since I've blogged and just had an urge to do so tonight. 3.07am on a Saturday night but I haven't been sleeping regularly for a long time now. Reason?  Feeling unfulfilled and I am afraid of facing another day, most of the days
So ever since holidays started in April, I've been busy tutoring, meeting up with some friends, boyfriend and most importantly, took on some supervising job and latest addition? Ben and Jerry at Dempsey. Can't believe I'm actually going to work at an ice cream shop again , but i definitely hope I'll enjoy it. Chins up!
I've also been really enjoying a book- UNLIMITED by Jillian Michaels I really do hate reading, but there are some books that I really do enjoy. I first borrowed this book from library and found myself picking up the book and reading the chapters again and again. Its like those books which you promise to finish just one more chapter, but you find yourself flipping through chapters after ch…

Seriously easy but seriously tasty!

Hi! It's been such a long time since I last blogged but today I'm back with a ridiculously simple recipe .
I was watching YouTube videos yesterday morning and chanced by this video " 4 Healthy one dish ideas" and one of the recipes include easy pasta with white beans and the YouTuber made it sound super delicious so I really wanted to try it out! 
But because I couldn't find white beans at the grocery store ... I decided to get canned tuna instead and it tasted super delicious I had it two days in a row.
So here's what you need: Pasta ( I didn't measure this, just took whatever I felt like eating , oops )  Chopped Garlic!  Chilli flakes Tuna And of course olive oil! 
Step 1 : Boil your pasta! After your pasta is done, drain the water and set the pasta aside 
Step 2: In a pan, fry garlic ( depending on how much you want, I added about 2 and a half table spoons) until they turn golden brown
Step 3: Put in your canned tuna ( I placed half a can) 
Step 4: Sprinkle loads …

What can I say

Image
You were the pride of me . The joy I had . The feeling I never received . You were the one whom made me feel that true love exist . And the sacrifices worth. Now it made me feel that all the things you were once willing to do for me, things that you could easily reject for me. I realized that it became not as easy to you anymore.
What can I do. Except for holding on to those memories as tightly as I could . The portrait we promised to let our grandchildren see. For the times both you and I made a wish along the river and felt silly that we were still behaving like lovebirds after 1.2 years . For how we promised to go Genting every year even till we are 60 years old. For how you used to call me pet names and weird things that only you would say. For the times you ran to me telling me you really missed me. Your excited faces whenever you see me . Hugging me from the back. For the cards you made for me and things you promised me . For asking me to be your angel. 



I still won't give you…

Don't do it

Today a good friend asked me " Dont know why this girl so Chio but still have such low self esteem "
What many people don't understand is that looks does not give you high self esteem. It's how you feel about yourself.
This low self esteem can stem from family teaching. But what accumulates from them is people's words or jokes as they might take it 
So much for "All the water around the ship cannot sink unless the water goes in" True to a small extent , but let's say you're back at WWII, would you not feel affected or can you not feel affected? 
Words have power. And you might disagree on this. But most people get affected by words, to a much larger extent that you would imagine.
Okay just look at Gigi hadid. She is damn gorgeous, she's a top model strutting down the runway, but when people said that she doesn't know how to walk, she felt affected. 
Some common words used by people every day.
" You just had a haircut ah, very ugly leh &quo…